i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
