life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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