Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
