full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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