I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
