you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
