that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
