would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A bitchslap is in order.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize