Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And then the night went full on bisexual.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
