we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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