..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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