i just had sex bonerless
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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