I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
