You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
