he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
