don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize