Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize