yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
