omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
