Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
