Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
