DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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