How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
