He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
