I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
