McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
vagina is talking i cant
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize