Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
