but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
