You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He did a backflip because drugs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
