But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
