Tell her she can't have a vagina
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
