that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
