You're so nebulous sometimes
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
