You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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