Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
