Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
