put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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