If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
