Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
