I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
