His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
