I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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