God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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