I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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