What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
