i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
