I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Two words: blizzard sex
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
