in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My bed smells like the plague
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
