I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
