Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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