Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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