If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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