oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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