I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
