in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
