Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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