She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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