; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
