i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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