we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
