I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
