So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
